THIS IS WHY YOU CAN’T DATE THE FRENCH
So, do you remember dating?
It may be an obvious question, but you’d be surprised to find that the French don’t even have a word for it!
How are they to find the love of their life?
The answer may surprise you!
Check out the article below to find out, and watch the video for some French worth finding!
(This week: the verb TROUVER – to find)
This is a blog post shared from Zen Politics.
Did you find the ‘click’?
There was a time when people actually fell in love. There was a time when chemistry was a thing. Sparks and magical moments weren’t mythical. Finding the love of your life was actually a possibility. Etc. etc.
For most of North America, it’s been a thing of the past for a very long time, if it ever was a thing at all. We don’t do it, we don’t believe in it, it’s a subject of ridicule, really. It’s the stuff that pipe dreams are made of, the fodder for the young and stupid, the naïve.
No, we don’t do that sort of foolishness. We just date.
What is that?
It’s when you’ve made a habit out of dehumanizing your fellow human being, specifically the opposite sex. They’re a little less than human. They’re a resource for sex, security and perhaps financial interdependence.It’s when you’ve built an entire culture complete with its own vocabulary behind this inhuman exercise. It’s what happens when socializing is grotesquely gender exclusive. From guys’ night out to girls-only slumber parties, the sexes have become worlds apart. Going out with friends is so rare that dating, a word whose meaning is so relentlessly implied but never understood, has become the near-exclusive way to even meet anyone from the other side.
And it’s anything but casual. Dating is a job interview on steroids and, predominantly, in restaurants. Any attempt at removing expectations or interview-style back-and-fourth is effectively eliminated. God forbid there be any relaxation or fun or anything recognizably human about the whole experience. No, you’re supposed to put on your best outfit and your best face and try to impress the other person into falling in love with you, or at the very least, giving you a kiss goodnight and a follow-up phone call over the next 3 days. Oh, and it’s not an “exclusive” relationship until it’s somehow explicitly determined.
That’s right, there is this step from “a date” to the process of “dating”. This is the only casual element to the cacophony of dating. It’s sort of like a “test” relationship, and you can have more than one at the same time, which surely favors the misogynistic elements of society. Gone are the days where a kiss is more than just a kiss. Nowadays, such acts have lost all intimacy.
The rest of the world seems to know better.
The French don’t do any of this, for example. To them, human beings are equal. They can go out together in groups and have a great time. They can have sparks and find love without having to date and kiss random strangers until they figure out who is actually worth their time and heart. They don’t even have a word for dating, because they don’t need one. They’re not afraid of each other’s opposite sex to the point where they need to have exclusive nights out just to be social. They build their relationships based on the reality of each other’s humanity, not based on how perfect they can pretend to be or how perfectly they can answer their way out of check-mate interview questions.
That’s probably because they take human relationships a little more seriously there. Intimacy still has value, kisses still mean something. Actions still speak louder than words, so the exclusivity of a relationship is implied and self-evident.
…Oh, and nobody has to be asking themselves “Where is this relationship going”.
Zen Politics
NOW IT IS YOUR TURN!
Comment below and let us know did you come across any of these cultural differences, and how would/did they impact you? 🙂
Let me guess.
Do you constantly have the feeling that you can’t hear what the French say and you don’t know how to read all the French words because they are written so much differently than they sound?
Learn 3 secrets that will help you be self sufficient in the way you pronounce French words – even if you don’t know what they mean – so that you can read that sophisticated menu in your favorite French restaurant.
Immerse yourself as you FINALLY reach your dream of becoming bilingual, learn to speak Parisian French on Skype and BREAK your language barrier!
…and now, please SHARE this article with your friends. They’ll love you for it! : )
Always in your corner,
Llyane
Photo credit: ok-magazin.de, A.G. photographe
interesting article
I’ve lived in a few places (not France) and haven’t really seen differences in the dating scenes, so that’s interesting that it’s so different in France!
Thanks, Sam, this goes for other countries too, not just France 🙂
I’m not sure I agree with him. I LOVED dating; I met some very interesting people. Not that I would trade my partner for the world, but yes, socioeconomics, life values, and even religion are worlds apart in the Libertarian-minded U.S. because we’re such a melting pot society. We have to poke our lego parts around for a while before finding someone we connect to since we’re all so different. In a more stratified culture like France, your values will more naturally align. I’d love a post that digs deeper into this. Very interesting stuff.
Such a good point, Elspeth!
However, dating as we know it takes away the element of romance, which is what the article is about.
Clearly, dating is not for everyone, even in the melting pot 😉
As a Frenchman living in the US for 25 years, I agree with this article. For a romantic Frenchman like me, it is difficult to connect and understand American women. I have to be constantly on my guards for fear of overstepping some rule I am not aware of or upset a lady because I made a joke that would be perfectly acceptable in France.
There is definitively a war of the sexes in this country (US) and it is not a comfortable environment to live in. In France, a man and a woman are on equal footing and joking is an accepted form of relaxed communication. It seems American women are too uptight. Relax ladies. It’s not all about money and sex. It’s about enjoying life together 🙂
My two grumpy cents. Alain
Oh, how much I appreciate your input, Alain!!
I have to say that I too feel the war of sexes (US and Canada) and… but I won’t continue – the article says it all, really, really well, doesn’t it? 😉
Merci infiniment !
Llyane
Love your two grumpy cents!!
It is SO true… I studied in Bordeaux… when I came home, I had a hard time fitting in!
It would be nice to have fewer unwritten rules and to be able to joke with everyone…
Happy you enjoyed it, J!
This article and the ensuing discussion to me is about how we connect with words. Dating to me is going our with another person that you are trying to learn about them. I admit when I’ve been out of the dating loop, then the thought of starting it again can be daunting. I can see that there may be a little pressure in terms of the ‘sale’. I’m selling myself. This can include: what I do for living, interests, politics, money etc. I can see how that may lose the ‘romance’. Maybe finding out how I connect with a person can be comfortable.
Question in terms of ‘equality’ are you also referring to customs. For example how a man take a lady on a date. Chivalry?
Thank you, Sophia. Well… that’s the thing: going back in the dating world could be daunting. But it doesn’t have to be this way. If you just enjoy the person you are with, without an agenda, more often than not, you’ll find the things you have in common with them without an interview 😉
As an American, I gave up on “dating” many years ago. Part of that was a decision to live in Seattle – home of the famous “Seattle Freeze”. Conversations, emails, any form of interaction or relationship spins endlessly and completely superficially. There is no substance to Seattlites.
I’m working on relocating to France, of all places (I have my reasons) – and start a fresh new life in a new country. If I’m to be treated like a foreigner…I might as well BE a foreigner 😉
Such a good idea, Larry!
Let me know if you need resources to adjust there – I’m in Paris a few months a year.